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starting over

July 14, 2010

it happened.

i lost my motivation

i fell of the track

and after a weekend of bad eating and bad thinking I’m starting over.

the 20 pounds I lost these past few months no longer count.

I am 179. I’ve been teetering between 177 and 179 for months now. This is my new weight but not my final weight.

the new goals have been set-

  • Ultimate Goal- 145
  • 1/2 Goal- 162

If I lose 2 pounds a week consistently I can be at my 1/2 goal by September and my ultimate goal by November!

I am the only thing standing in the way.

  • My desire for fatty foods
  • My inability to stand up to hunger pangs
  • My belief that I should reward myself and others with unhealthy (aka: yummy) food

I’m tired of keeping myself from health, confidence and strength.

So today…I’m starting over.


I will push forward…

June 22, 2010

its been a long time.

3 weeks since I’ve been to the gym

2 weeks since I’ve tracked my food intake

and 4 weeks since my life was normal.

4 weeks ago I turned the magical 27 on the 27th (Golden Birthday!!) and as soon as I blew out the candle on my cake life began to change.

The morning of the 28th I got the call I’d been waiting for- I finally landed a full time job (after 14 months of searching).

I started the next week- jumped right into the busiest season and the craziest time and have been nonstop ever since.

I went from a very controlled schedule, working only 3 days a week with plenty of time for the gym and recipe planning to 10 hours work days and no time to even eat lunch.

To be honest I’ve felt very out of control these past few weeks.

I need to get back on track- even if things at work are insane.

I need to find ways to take care of myself – even if it means asking the hubby to cook dinner.

I need to blog at least once a week to keep my self focused.

This weight loss journey can’t stop here- just because its harder now.

I’ve still got 30 pounds to go before I’ll be at my ultimate goal of 147.

Its taken me 5 months to lose 23 pounds so if I keep it up I should be at 147 by Christmas/New Years.

In the mean time my end of the summer goal is: 163

I’ve got to push forward. I will push forward.

my unlikely bff

May 20, 2010

Today me and my scale are best friends.

I stepped on as I do every morning and for the first time in almost 2 years the numbers started with 1 7! 

179 is of course dangerously close to 180 but I’ll take it! I’ve been stuck at 183 for almost a month and this change feels good for my soul.

179 is just a few pounds shy of my wedding weight and my ultimate 27 by May 27th goal. I don’t look as small as I thought I would at this weight but thanks to yoga and pilates I am far more toned than I ever was- even in the low 170s.

I’m on week 2 of attempted vegetarianism and so far I’ve only cheated with one buffalo wing and a fresco steak taco at taco bell. I’ve made some pretty delicious dishes at home including a vegan tofu spinach lasagna which was amazing! But I’ve also discovered just how hard it is to eat healthy and vegetarian when eating out.

It would be far less WW points to eat a lean chicken breast and veggies than a bowl of pasta or a dressing drenched salad. I wish there were more vegetarian options in my area- but my town isn’t so into the veggie thing. I did however visit my brother in the city and had a vegan steak burrito which literally tasted like delicious steak drenched in sauces and cheese- but it wasnt. 

I hope to move closer to the city soon.

I also hope to avoid the tempting boardwalk fries, icecream, and pizza on my birthday vacation to the shore. Knowing that I’m in the 170’s again is definite motivation to keep pushing forward and making better choices.

Exactly one week until the 27th- lets hope I’m still in the 170’s so it can be a very HAPPY birthday.

Love and peace to all!

Giving Up Is Not An Option

May 12, 2010

so at my last post I made it to 181- I believe that was in April.

It is now the middle of May and I’m stuck at 183.

The only changes I can think of in the last few weeks have been- a few sugary drinks, white pastas and no grapefruit.

Its insane how fast my body packs the weight back on and how hard it hangs onto it.

I thought for sure I’d be in the 170’s right about now. My goal was to lose 27 pounds by May 27th (my 27th birthday) but it doesn’t look like I’ll get to 173 in the next 2 weeks. But I’m hoping to get as close as possible. It would be monumental to get back to the 170’s at least.

I need to get serious- no more rewarding myself with “real” pasta just because I “deserve it” and no more drinking soda because “I never drink it so its okay.”

I’m also attempting to be a vegetarian this week to see if its something I can do full time. I stumbled upon a vegan group at a county fair a few weeks ago and read a disturbing booklet about animal cruelty and our meat industry. The pictures turned my stomach and the info about what we put in our meat (hormones, chemicals etc.) freaked me out!

I’m still researching but so far this week I’ve eaten alot of soy and its been alright.

Any tips on going vegetarian would be most appreciated….

Good luck this week to everyone pursuing a healthier lifestyle- I know the past few weeks have been hard for me but I know that I/we can do this.

Giving up is not an option.

I <3 grapefruit

April 28, 2010

Its been a little while since I’ve posted.

A lot has been going on.

In the midst of all the craziness and two days of emotional eating I’ve managed to stay on track. I cut back to 24 WW points a day and for the most part was able to stick to it.

I read in multiple places about the power of grapefruit and figured it wouldn’t hurt to try it out.

I remembered grapefruit from my childhood- when my mom would try a new diet and eat it every morning. I just remembered she poured a lot of sugar on it and it looked really yummy with glistening sugar atop the pink fruit.

I introduced grapefruit into my life two weeks ago- minus the sugar and I love it.

Even cooler- I’ve lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks.

I am now a firm believer in the power of grapefruit. (Even though I’m sure most of the weight loss was due to cutting my points)

I am now down to 181 from 200 in about 13 weeks.

My goal is still 27 by May 27th- but that means 11 pounds in less than a month.

I guess I’ll double up on my grapefruit. ❤

Just say no?

April 14, 2010

I love my office- I really have the greatest co-workers. They are kind, funny and they love to party. In fact- any chance they get they throw a party. They love to party because they love to eat. Most of them manage to do so without gaining weight I however am not so lucky. 2 years of pot lucks, cook offs and random parties have led me to gain a lot of extra pounds. So I’m in the habit now of just saying no. I know that if I take a bite I’ll take another and another and another.

Today they threw another party- the second in 2 weeks. The first was a send off party for a co-worker going on vacation, and this second party was to welcome her back. The food looks amazing- cupcakes, muffins, cookies, apple turnovers galore. But I’m saving my points for a hot dog at the baseball game I’m going to later tonight. I’m going to be a good girl.

My co-workers begged me to eat- “they’re is so much food…come on just have a little…” I explained to them that I couldn’t because I was saving up for tonight. They said, “you can’t? What do you mean you can’t?” I tried to explain again- “I am going to a baseball game tonight and I’ve got to be good until then.” This explanation didn’t work and I was told, “you can eat bad now and later!”

I laughed it off. They went back to work. I ignored the scent of cinabuns and excused myself to the bathroom.

When I came out- they were mid-conversation and I could tell it was about me. The last sentence I caught was something like…

“You shouldn’t feel bad- eat what you want. Eat and multiply!”

The conversation quickly ended.

And I’m left feeling like I did something wrong.

How do you explain your eating choices to people in a way that works?

When will they notice?

April 12, 2010

It happened again…

someone else, my age, my size lost 10 pounds.

everyone noticed.

i felt my cheeks start to burn in frustration listening to my co-workers fawning over her weight loss and her doing Pilates in her bedroom.

no one noticed my 13 pounds- and smaller sized clothing. no one noticed my 4 days a week in the gym- cardio, weights, yoga and pilates.

I wish someone noticed. I’m tired of being the elephant in the room.

In other news- I’ve been stuck at 186.4 for two weeks now. I missed my goal of being 185 on April 1st and I’m frustrated with my lack of progress. I added an extra day at the gym and started drinking more water- and nothing! Then I realized this morning that I hadn’t calculated my daily allowed (Weight Watchers) points since I weighed 198…ooops. So I’ve been eating 26 points when I’m only supposed to eat 24. That could explain alot. I hope.

So this week- its 24 points for me which makes me happy and sad at the same time. I’m happy that I weigh less and therefore should eat less- but I’m sad to give up more food. 

I’m hoping by end of the week to reach and surpass my 185 goal.